Suicide.

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Suicide.

Post  Mellie-Master on Wed Sep 10, 2008 10:51 am

I have just reached the point where I acknowledge that my life officially sucks.
If it aren't the fucking teachers at school that feed me with contempt, it's my parents.

E.G.:
Teachers:
blah blah blah make your homework blah blah blah pay attention to the lesson blah blah blah
don't talk with your naighbour blah blah blah you're irritating me blah blah blah

Parents:
blah blah blah make your homework!
we work all day and cook dinner and wash your clothes and blah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blah die blah blah
you never do something out of yourself blah blah blah

I'm srsly thinking about committing suicide right now.
I know I won't, but then again, I will.

all my IRL friends are gay/away/being emo theirselves, and all of you live a buhzillion miles away.
fuck it. what do I have to live for.

I've been in love and rejected 6 times in a row, it doesn't matter to me anymore.
I wake up, blah blah blah, go to school, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bitch bitch bitch blah blah blah, come home from school, blah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blah bitchy Mc bitch bitch blahdy blah bitching blah fuckity blah blah blah homework bla blah blah we work all day blah blah blah
BITCH BITCH BITCH BLAH BLAH BLAH
and then I go to bed.
I don't sleep anymore. I just lie down and think how miserable everything is.
my life is friggin hell, might aswell help myself to heaven.
and when I DO sleep, I have dreams in which I die, which appearantly are really awesome, and better than any dream I've ever had before.

my life used to be awesome. carelessly, on vacation with my parents, a few gfs here and there.
life was great.

buit then:
LOOK THERE IN THE SKY!
IS IT A BIRD?
IS IT A PLANE?
NOOOOOOO! IT'S HIGHSCHOOL! AND IT WILL RUIN YOUR TEENAGE YEARS WITH HOMEWORK, FAGGY TEACHERS AAD PARENTS THAT ARE NATIVES FROM BITCHLAND.
well fuck it
I've had it
blergh.
sometime I wanna die, but still stay alive, just to see my mother cry over my corpse, and then flip her off.

















meh. that's about it.
I'm expecting to see comments like "Don't kill youself!", "You have too much to live for", "You'll get over it!" and "Highschool isn't that bad".
I'll give you a 1 million dollar check if you give me one valid reason for me to live.
edn.

so, what now?
dunno, I guess I'll go make some homework, jack off, watch some discovery science and go to bed afterwards.
who knows what happens tomorrow.
¬¬
/

EDIT: I assure you, that I'm not going to kill myself.
but I will be suicidal and/or depressed for at least another 5/6 years.
meh.

wanna know how I feel?
listen to Mad World by Gary Jules. youtube it or so.


lol wtf XD
what was I thinking?


Last edited by Mellie-Master on Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:43 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Suicide.

Post  Chrisseh-chan on Wed Sep 10, 2008 2:53 pm

Be prepared for a rant-

Trust me, I know how it is. I've been to the brink of suicide (Attempted it, actually, on a couple occasions). I've bounced back, fell down, bounced back, etc etc, over and over again. Here's some good reasons NOT to kill yourself (Even though you said you aren't, here's some motivation/lectures to tell you why talking like this is stupid.)

1.) There are people that love you, whether you believe it or not. We all love/care about you (I mean like in a big brotherly/sisterly way and as a friend). When you talk like this or if you were to try something stupid, you wouldn't really be hurting yourself, you'd be hurting everybody who cares about you. And that's very selfish. I can assure you, whether or not you believe in the Pearly Gates... if you take your own life, they aren't going to be what lies ahead to welcome you.

2.) High School sucks. It's probably the hardest years of your life you will ever endure. I survived. Neutral I went through hell. My freshman year, I was the new kid. I made friends, and by second semester, they all turned their backs on me. I had boys teasing me, pretending they liked me (Which I knew they didn't), rumors were started, I got called names and shunned in the hallways. Much of this went on throughout most of high school. I couldn't go down the halls alone without somebody making some kind of hurtful comment. Suicide was constantly on my mind. I'd sit there with a knife after school and carve the hell out of my arms and wrists and talk about ending my life. You wanna know where that got me?

For one, people thought I was crazy and made fun of me even more, and two, it landed me in the hospital for a week on the mental ward when I was 16, JUST FOR TALKING ABOUT IT. Hospital food sucks, trust me. I found a dead spider in my grapes. I got put on medication that made every song or sound (like a phone ringing) sound really slow and low pitched. Thankfully, I was allergic to the medication and they took me off it soon after, or else I might still be in happy slow-mo la la land today and there would be no TFHHA and I wouldn't be here telling you all this, because this was also the kind of medication that steals your creativity, you have no desire to draw, write, play musical instruments, or participate in any sort of hobby. No motivation. Yes, these kinds of medicines do exist, and they turn you into a fucking zombie.

I'm pretty sure you probably wouldn't do the same things as me, or have the same things happen to you, but this is just an example from my experience of why it's stupid shit to do.

3.) Regarding your parents:

They're parents. They all do that. If they didn't do that, they'd be shitty parents. In the end, they're doing it because they care about you and they want you to better yourself. Don't argue with me on this. Yes, it's annoying as hell, I'm 22 years old and my parents STILL do the same shit, it bugs the hell out of me and even I want to fly out the window sometimes, but deep down you should know their intentions are good, even though sometimes (actually, quite often) parents make mistakes, too. Nobody's perfect. Almost every kid goes through it, we all make it out just fine, so don't feel like you're being singled out or anything. Just respect them, do your homework, do your chores, make them proud, and they might lay off a little.

4.) Relationships? Jesus Christ. I'm not saying you're a little kid or anything, but sheesh! I know, raging hormones, love love love, but you don't really even know what true love is yet. Hell, neither do I. At your age, they come and go, at my age, they come and go (Though things tend to get more serious). The whole point of relationships and dating when you're a teenager is to gain experience. Like a game... and by experience, I don't mean sex. >=/ You learn how to act around girls, how to respond to them, how to handle break-ups and "heartbreak", it feels like such drama but it's really just practice for when you get older and things get REALLY serious. My brother is 16 years old and he's never been out on a date. He doesn't seem too terribly depressed or concerned about it to me. You don't NEED a relationship to be a happy.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY FINAL POINT-

5.) NEVER, EVER RELY ON ANYBODY ELSE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY! IT DOESN'T WORK. NOBODY ELSE HAS THE POWER TO MAKE YOU UNHAPPY, EITHER. THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY IS TO QUIT LAYING IN BED, THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH YOUR LIFE SUCKS, CAUSING YOURSELF TO SPIRAL DOWNWARD AND BECOME MORE DEPRESSED, AND DO SOMETHING ELSE! Draw, play video games, listen to music, knit, whatever your hobby of choice is. Get your mind off it. The more you dwell on things, the more depressed you'll get. There are people out there with lives FAR WORSE than yours. Yes, I know this kind of lecturing isn't what you want to hear, I've heard it a million times myself from doctors, parents, other kids, complete strangers, etc... and I don't like to hear it, either, but it's TRUE. Nobody in the world can hand you happiness on a silver platter... unless this happiness comes in the form of 10 million dollars cash. Even then... well. Whatever. You get the point.

Everybody gets depressed. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. Talking about suicide is retarded, and it pisses me off bad, even if you aren't going to do it. Because I've been there, it's not something you throw around casually. Yes, I know it feels good to rant, but you shouldn't go off and try to scare the hell out of everybody. No more of this stupid talk, or so help me... I care about you a lot, and I hate knowing when other people feel this way because it hurts. It hurts bad, shit I know it does. Heck, maybe I don't know exactly how you feel, but I can feel your frustration and I'm sorry you feel this way and I'm sorry for ending this so harshly but I know from experience that wishy washy bullshit doesn't do anything but return more whining and complaining.

End.
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Re: Suicide.

Post  Treforce on Thu Sep 11, 2008 1:22 am

Mellie-Master wrote:
I'll give you a 1 million dollar check if you give me one valid reason for me to live.

what if I give you 3 reaons?
do I get 3 million then?

reason 1.
If you did kill yourself, you whoudnt be able to see how TFHHA ends (if it does)

reason 2.
Every day you stay alive, you piss of the people who want you dead (this one helped me alot)

reason 3.
you havent given me the money you ove me for my reasons yet.
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Re: Suicide.

Post  Mellie-Master on Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:50 am

for some reason, I read back everything I wrote and I ROFLMAO all over the place.
srsly.

lol wtf.
today was like, frigging awesome, and conevniance was always around the corner.
for some reason, I have a 'date' with someone on saturday, and some other girl likes me.
YAY
I guess this is god's way to say: "Don't be emo. it's ghey."

Chrisseh, your statement are really true and helpfull. If I were still emo, I'd become less emo just by realising you actually took the time to write loads of stuff just to make me feel better =D
ty.
but is reason 4 a reason not to commit suicide? it's more like a helpfull lecture telling teenagers not to have sex. also, I don't recall saying I wanted to commit suicide because I'm single for a long time. did I say that? I guess I was just tired of my parents who manage to change every single topic into school.

Treforce, I lol'd at reason 2, and I'll always remember it when I feel emo again Razz

so yeah, I'm hyper again. YAY WHEEEEEEEE WTF LOL ZOMFGWTFBBQ LOL DINOUSAUR =D elephant <-- ghey. albino
lol!
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Re: Suicide.

Post  Chrisseh-chan on Thu Sep 11, 2008 1:10 pm

Hmm I suppose #4 wasn't really a reason not to commit suicide, it wasn't really a lecture on not having sex, either. Was just trying to make a point that relationships aren't really as big a deal as teenagers think they are, even though it may feel like a big deal. I got carried away, ranting. I do that, you know me. Shocked
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